Harriet the Spy

Last Christmas, or maybe the Christmas before, my roommate Gregg bought me some binoculars for my bird watching/spying on the neighbors who keep their curtains open while they're doing it. You may have read before that I have a fear of being spied on. This fear probably stems from the fact that I spy on people, but only when they're totally asking for it. I don't like sit around with my binoculars and look from window to window, but movement catches your eye, you know. So, I mean, don't leave your curtains open, especially when you're doing it, and ESPECIALLY when your windows face the rest of the apartments in the building. I'm telling you, some people really want to be watched. I think a lot of New Yorkers probably have the same story: you're innocently walking to your kitchen to get some watermelon and suddenly you're watching your neighbors going at it because their windows are WIDE open. And you know what, at that point, it's not your fault that you're staring. It's shocking. I lived in an apartment once whose windows faced 8th Avenue AND another apartment building and I probably opened my curtains five times in two years. I didn't want anybody spying on me. I also went a little nuts in that place and spent the last three months there shuffling from my room to the couch eating a lot crackers. I also developed a theory that my neighbors had drilled a tiny hole in my wall and set up a camera...but...ummm...I think I was suffering from seasonal depression...we didn't get much light. I'm happy to live on the fifth floor now in a room whose windows face nothing but a great view of the city. It's liberating. And, for all of you who are creeped out, don't worry, my friend Kerry is borrowing my binoculars for the next five weeks for a safari. So, I guess my bird watching will be going out the window for a while.