Those days when you're like...

... wait... hang on... 197...out of 200. Really Wall Street Journal? If you saw this article, you know to what I am referring. And not to say I have unrealistic expectations about the career I am pursuing, (well, hang on, maybe I do, but how the hell else would I keep doing it if I didn't?) No, I recognize how ummmm, what's the word, abstract(?), fantastical(?), crazy(?) it is, but when it comes down to it, I always end up saying (and I'm sure everyone out there struggling does) what in the hell else would I do? 

Yesterday was one of THOSE days. You know 'those' days. You knoooooow? The ones where you sit on the floor of your bathroom, stare at the sink for awhile and then start crying because you realize that you're sitting on your bathroom floor staring at the sink. So, then maybe you stand up, walk to your living room, sit back down and stare out the window... and then cry some more. Then you call your mom and say something to the effect of, "Maybe I should just move home." Which you know probably sounds pretty awesome to her but which makes you cry even harder when she's super supportive and tells you that, "No, you're exactly where you should be." And then you can't hear yourself talk anymore, so you hang up with mom and wander into your kitchen and look in your fridge and get mad at yourself for having nothing in there and even madder that you just don't WANT to go to the grocery store. Well then, the idea of the grocery store is so exhausting that you have to sit down at your kitchen table and that's when it happens. You start to think of EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING WRONG in your life, everything you don't like about yourself, all the things you SHOULD be doing and it literally feels like your head is spinning and so you lay down...and that's how you stay for maybe two hours. 

Ummm, so yeah, that was my day yesterday. BUT, here's the good news. In the two hours I spent horizontal staring at the wall, I came up with something that actually did make me feel better. Get ready. I pretended I was being interviewed by a reporter and told myself exactly what my perfect life looks like. Oh, yeah, I was absolutely talking to myself. Then I rolled out of my bed, came over here, opened a google doc and wrote it down. Like an interview you'd read in a magazine, I wrote about what my days look like, how it feels to be a successful (insert dream career here), things I like to cook, my fitness routine... everything. I really went for it. And yes, it's silly, so silly I'm shocked that I'm even writing about it, but I've talked to a lot of friends lately who are in similar funks and this actually did pull me out of mine. Well, that and the Tuscan Bean Soup I made. Also, my absolute most favorite, always go back to, calls to me in the night guide is The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. If you are struggling and you haven't read it, do it now. And then do the interview thing, because it really was nice. 


*Alex* said…
<3! This was my day today. Miss you ladybug!

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