On Fibbing

Sometimes you just have to, right? Tell little white lies to, well a few things: cover your ass, make someone feel better, make someone shut up, get out of an uncomfortable situation, etc... The worst, however, is when you get caught in one of these little fibs. The shame. THE SHAME!!! I'm not going into it, because it's so silly, but I got caught this morning, ughhhhh, eeeeeesh, aaaaaaa... oooooo... that's what my body feels like. You know that cringing, your stomach flips, your butthole tightens, oh my goodness I can't stop thinking about it, I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!

Okay, okay, I'm not a terrible person...

Anyhoodles, there are also the kinds of lies you tell for fun. Don't you? This could easily be a game that only Evan and I enjoy... probably. Evan's told me so many made up stories over the years that he can't even remember all the lies I still believe to be true. For instance, I thought for years that his dad cut his cat in half...yeah...I believed that...for years...even after I met his dad, who is one of the gentlest guys out there...I remember thinking, "This guy cut a cat in half?? Wow, I just don't see it. He must have really hated that cat..."

MY favorite lie is the made up fact that bed bugs can jump up to 6 feet. I lied about this one night walking down the streets of Brooklyn in an attempt to see how far away from a discarded mattress my friend would walk (he walked into the street to avoid it, success!) I'm pretty sure he also still believes bed bugs have extraordinary jumping skills and continues to keep an appropriate distance from any mattresses or furniture on the sidewalk.

I mean, listen, lying is not necessarily a nice thing to do. It actually is a terrible habit to get into and it sucks when you have to spend time stressing the fuck out over what you've lied about, it's exhausting. Don't do it (she says to herself). Buuuuuut, I mean, sometimes, like at a bar, it is totally fun to pretend that your name is Tricia and that you own a horse and that you make leather goods by hand and live in a tiny house, like a teeny-tiny house, yeah, like it only has one room...and an outdoor bathroom...and a skylight...ummmm...anyway...

Check out these liars!

Awwww, babe caught me sleepin! 


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