The Lone Pigeon

As told to me by my roommate Terrell Owen-Cornelius Hart

One fine Sunday morning as I groggily meandered into my kitchen, half asleep and coffee bound, I found a pigeon perched atop my cabinets. The proof is still there in the feathers that hang lightly over their edges, I think the thing was going to roost up there or something, I’m not sure we’ll ever get around to removing the feathers even though I’m sure they’re disease-ridden. Strolling into your kitchen to find a pigeon staring you straight in the eye from atop your shawdy cabinets has to be one of the more disturbing occurrences in one’s life. (Especially since birds have eyes on the sides of their head so they have to kind of turn sideways to look at you.) The thoughts that race through your mind when face to face with a pigeon are, I’m sure, similar to those that pass during a near death experience. What if it pecks me? Where do I hide? Was that guy we used to go “play” with after school actually a family therapist? Really in this situation there is nothing to do but run screaming into your room. Leave the pigeon, it got itself into this mess, it can get itself out, right? Although, when I return to the horror site the pigeon is still there, sizing me up, licking his beak, he even makes that pigeon noise that’s not too hard to recreate by gargling in the back of your throat while making a humming noise. Anyway, I took one last look at the angry beast and decided that I needed to quit drinking coffee after all, this would be a good situation for my roommates to deal with, and I slowly crept back to my room trying my hardest not to disturb the ravenous creature. After a few moments however, curiosity got the best of me and I forced myself back into the life threatening kitchen only to find the magical pigeon gone. I’m not lying when I tell you the window was only cracked a few inches which leads me to believe that this highly intelligent bird could have been none other than Jesus.


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