A Winter's Tale

Believe it or not, the Northeast is much colder than the South. MUCH colder. I remember remarking on how freezing winter is here the first time I walked out of my building into 20 degree weather and had a gale force wind blow right through what I considered to be a "warm winter" coat and into my bone marrow. (that's dramatic) Note: A wool pea coat, while perfectly suitable for Georgia's winters, (see: 45 on the coldest day)does essentially nothing to protect an individual from the below freezing temperatures and absurd wind gusts we in New York have to deal with daily from November to March. I'd like to profile some winter weather trends you see often on the streets of this lovely city...

1. The Winter Baby: Mothers and nannies this whole City over, but mostly in TriBeCa, delight more in bundling their children and wheeling them around in the freezing cold temperatures than they do in paying $10,000 a semester for pre-school. The infant winter get-up in New York is beyond anything you could imagine. First, cashmere booties and a wind resistant, irresistibly soft onesie, tiny woolen gloves, a baby velour hat (with some sort of animal ears, see: puppy, kitten, bunny). Add next layer, the furry (but not real fur)baby blanket. Then insert child into child size winter sleeping bag, strap baby into the McCarren stroller, pull down the wind blocking plastic guard and you are ready to take it to the streets. The Winter Baby is likely the most innocent target of jealousy during cold months here.

2. The "I May be 51, but I can still pull off furry boots" Broad: Whether they're real fur or the Pay-Less knock off, it seems that this year the only way to sport the abominable snow man boot is to be 50 and over. I want to love this look, I really do, these boots appear to be super warm, but ladies, you look like clydesdales. Much love, but honestly, how functional is the furry boot? It's like dragging a terrier through a muddy puddle and then bringing it home to your nice clean kitchen floors. Sounds like a dirty mess if you ask me. But more power to ya... in this weather, extreme measures must be taken for the sake of warmth.

3. The Bobble Hat: Any multi-colored hat with tentacle like appendages protruding from the top is unacceptable, unless you live in Asheville, NC. This is New York, I know you're an artist, but really, there is nothing more irritating.

4. The Snow Umbrella: There are always those, myself included, who seek the shelter of an umbrella when snow starts to fall. Here's the thing though, snow FLOATS, it doesn't just fall straight down like rain. It floats and it's usually accompanied by wind, so not only does an umbrella do nothing to keep you from being snowed upon, it's just an added hastle when you have to continually fight the blustery gusts from turning it inside out. Really, there is no such thing as a snow umbrella.

5. The Inappropriate Rain Boot Wearer: Okay, so maybe it only happens to me, I love my Hunter Wellies, but there have been many a sunny day this Winter when I've found myself embarrassed by my footwear. A sunny day does not call for a rain boot. Maybe I can start a new trend though...rubber as the new leather...? The lesson here is: ALWAYS check the weather before leaving the house, you only look cool in nice rain boots if it's raining [snowing].

To conclude, braving my third New York winter has made me feel like a real New Yorker (even though I can't officially say that until I've lived through my 5th). This year I've been prepared, fleece lined rain boots, a down-filled, water-proof poofy coat, and the ability to suck it up and realize that while winter gear may make you appear to be a the Michelin man, the abominable snow man, a crazy court jester, or even a plain douche bag, staying warm in below freezing temperatures is just empowering. Right on to all of us braving the frozen streets and still standing!

Comments

Amelia said…
I bookmarked your page. The winter babies made me think of that scene in A Christmas Story.
P.S. the webcasts of Oprah's spiritual path Best Life series is pretty sweet. http://event.oprah.com/videochannel/lybl/lybl_vod.html?topic=3

much love for self publication,
amelia
Anonymous said…
Um, I have furry boots, thank you for reminding me to whip 'em out... - Court

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