Rain and Mosquitos

I'm writing this with an ice pack held to my face. I woke up today and immediately noticed that I couldn't see normally out of my left eye.
"Must be REALLY tired," I thought to myself as I rolled out of bed and sleepily made my way into my bathroom. It was the reveal of my droopy morning face that was rather alarming, my left eye lid is the size of a baseball... okay, that's an exaggeration, but it is definitely really puffy.
"What in the hell?" I exclaimed to myself as I poked the afflicted lid. Suddenly, my mind flashed back to the incessant buzzing in my room before I drifted off to sleep. I remembered thinking I'd killed the mosquito after he bit my cheek, wrist, and elbow multiple times, but apparently, he's a resilient little bastard. He's obviously bit me in the eye and I'm sure I now have malaria or swine flu or hysterical blindness.
Dealing with my finances yesterday, I recognized a need within myself to blame SOMEONE for any problem I have in my life. Finding no one but myself to be mad at about my credit card debt, I will absolutely be seeking SOMEONE to answer for my left eyeball. And that someone is you New York. Yep, you.
Let's discuss the weather, a favorite topic amongst New York and its inhabitants. It has NOT STOPPED RAINING in at least a month and a half. What does this have to do with the mosquito, you're probably wondering. I'm getting there. Because it has been raining NONSTOP every single damn day, it hasn't really gotten hot. Therefore, I haven't had to turn on my A.C. yet, which I guess is pretty great considering the money I'm saving (see: aforementioned financial crisis)so, instead, I've had my window open for a month. I hadn't even thought about bugs coming in because I live on the third floor and bugs can't fly that high...right? Well, I hypothesize that the scaffolding outside my window has provided perfect cesspools for mosquito breeding. Lord knows there's been plenty of rain and just the right amount of heat for the shits to multiply and fly into my room and bite my eyeballs and I am pissed, I am PISSED. So, here's what I have to say to YOU, New York. Dry up. Get a life. It's summer, I'm supposed to be having fun and drinking a lot and being carefree not worrying about my umbrella and my rain boots and my swollen eyeball...
I'm sorry, I'm just angry and I look like the elephant man right now. It's not REALLY your fault but, ugh, god, let's just...wow... we can just talk more about this later.


Jennifer said…
I think mosquito nets need to be in fashion again. Oh and I found out who invented skiing. Well, actually scientists don't know who originated it, but they did find skis in Sweden from 4,500 years ago. Also, they found cave drawings that are even older. My bet is that it was Bob, the caveman who invented it.

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