Profession, Procrastination
Over a month ago I decided to delete Instagram from my phone and add approximately 3.5 hours to my days. What have I done with my time? Thanks for asking, I've found new and improved modes of procrastination and fully embraced them. Like many others, basically everyone over the age of 6, I am in the middle of a life overhaul. I'd intended one of these before the pandemic became a pandemic, when I decided to move home, but after being stuck inside for 5 months and prevented from getting a safety job (see: waitressing) I've glimpsed what my dream future life can look and feel like and I'm not sorry to say, it involves a huge portion of procrastination. I declare, I love procrastinating. I want to am going to make a career out of it. Why not, y'all? It's a whole new, overhauled world.
I'll acknowledge procrastination isn't for everyone. Some people do truly thrive under pressure with a list of tasks to get done in a day. My brother and sister-in-law are chefs, they are constantly busy (yes even during Covid times, ever heard of recipe testing?) They wake up at a ridiculous hour of the morning and immediately commence getting shit done. ALL day. It's amazing. They love it. By 10 am, they've meditated, worked out, had coffee, baked 3 dozen cookies, folded some butter into something, developed a new method for making cole slaw, brined a pork chop, caught 15 flies (a real problem in Florida) and had at least 4 La Croix's. Very impressive. All this is to say, I understand that for some procrastination is a guilt/shame trigger and it's important to know yourself well enough to discern whether or not procrastination is right for you. This year we are giving up guilt and shame as they won't get us anywhere or anything.
Anyway, procrastination is right for me.
So now, without further adieu, I present, my favorite ways to procrastinate:
1. READ - Duh. This is so duh I can barely stand it but let me explain. I have always wanted to be a reader. Yes, I already read often but I'm talking, I have aspired to be a 4-5 book a month or more kind of reader. During the first few weeks of quarantine, when we REALLY weren't leaving the house at all, I started reading for about two hours every morning and I've become a better reader now because of it. My attention span and comprehension are sharper and I genuinely enjoy it more. So, my unsolicited advice to you in case you'd like to join the "I'm a reader" club is: read in a chair, not in bed and not only before you go to sleep. Have a stack of books you are excited about and keep adding to it so that when you finish one book you immediately know what your next pick will be. My highlights from this year: The Secret History by Donna Tartt, Stoner by John Williams, Goat Song by Brad Kessler and How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi.
2. MEDITATE - Brittany. Shut up. I know everyone, I know. A suggestion to meditate is possibly more annoying than one to read but, really and truly, I have been LOVING meditating this year. At times I've wondered if I'm becoming a person who meditates too much, walks around stoned by bliss all day and makes an Instagram dedicated to inspirational quotes and pictures of myself laying in fields (p.s. I did that last year) but I'm pretty sure that the fact I just wrote that sentence means I'm safe and only cultivating more self awareness. No cult action here yet. Just a load of gratitude and joy and hope and control of my emotions and my life. Too bad there's no way to say that without sounding eye-rolley but honestly, I don't care, I feel great. First thing in the morning, I do 20 minutes in silence or with some relaxing music. In the late afternoon, I've added a guided meditation and let-me-tell-you-what... meditation number 2 has been the total game changer. I write this with complete sincerity, my life is fuller from it. My favorite guided meditations are from PuraRasa, you can find her on YouTube or Insight Timer. This meditation is the one that hooked me, it's perfect to fall asleep to or to listen to during the day to relax and connect. If you're into meditation, definitely try hers.
3. OH WAIT... DID SOMEONE SAY YOUTUBE? - By far, always and forever, my favorite mode of procrastination, my one true love, is YouTube. It is my favorite social media platform. It is my Bravo. I am on it for everything. Instruction, entertainment, relaxation. YouTube, my love, has it all. Now, I've never admitted this but I want you all to finally know something. It really upsets me that none of you have ever asked me who my favorite YouTubers are. But because I've been meditating and taking control of my feelings, I'm releasing my anger and I'm going to tell you about them now, whether you like it or not.
Kelly Stamps: Kelly started her YouTube channel last year and grew from 1,000 to 365,000 subscribers in that time. WHAT. It's because she's charming and hilarious. Her videos are 15 minutes long. She loves tiramisu, she's smart and well-spoken and very entertaining. Good place to start if you've never been into the Vlogs.
Jonna Jinton: This Swedish elf goddess woman moved from city life in Sweden to the Nordic woods 10 years and started vloggin' about it. Her cinematography is impeccable, she is a glorious light of a woman, she like... fucking yodels and she lives in a part of the world that you won't ever. The woman cuts a bath into the frozen lake outside her house and gets in it! SHE RECORDS THE SOUNDS OF THE FOREST AND MAKES PAINT OUT OF GROUND UP ROCKS. She will inspire you to walk outside and cry tears of joy over the beauty of a leaf. It's a stunning, weird, awe-inspiring channel. I love her.
BestDressed: Hilarious, adorable young woman. She buys clothes from GoodWill and flips them into something very cool with her sewing machine. She's about 22 years old and I think one of the reasons I love her so much is because she's such a reminder of what it was like to be that age in a big city. Her videos are aesthetically pleasing, she has such a fun style and her young lady insecurities are really charming and nostalgic.
ASMR: If anyone would like to talk to me about ASMR, I am always ready and willing. I can say with confidence that I was one of the first enthusiasts of this weird, to some (if you don't get it) disturbing, corner of YouTube. I have been watching ASMR videos since 2011 and, if you can't tell, I'm very proud about it. I know pretty much every single ASMRtist (mmmhmm, yes that's what they're called) and pretty much everything else about it. Me and Cardi B are huge fans. My favorite creator of all time is GentleWhispering but I have an ever-expanding list of others that I will only share with you if you ask.
Other YouTube creators I love lately: Pick Up Limes, Sarah's Day and my original favorite, the one who introduced me to vlogging (my favorite form of reality tv to this day), Zoe Sugg.
Deep breath and --
WOW. I feel so much better having shared this part of my life with all of you. Back to listing...
5. GOOGLE "HIGH SCHOOL MOVIES ON NETFLIX" - Type that exact phrase into your Google and you will get all the "films" (loose term) that Netflix and Hulu have to offer. Try and pick one you haven't seen (because yes, Clueless and Twilight are available right now) and then spend the evening zoning out with your one Negroni (yes, I am now a woman who has one single Negroni a night and transforms into your mom at an outdoor concert, chardonnay in hand, swaying to some yacht rock) and some of the dumbest (putting it lightly) but most satisfying content available this Summer. So far I've downed, Work It (my favorite of all), The Last Summer (not worth your time), To All the Boys I've Loved Before and its sequel (yes to both), The Kissing Booth and its sequel (yes to 1, hard no to 2) and some movie called Every Day that I fell asleep during. Maybe I should write some reviews of these "films" so I have some samples to send to Vulture.
Another deep breath because we are present and alive.
And, with that, my friends, we have reached the end. I know that reading this blog post was a form of procrastination for you. You're welcome. Writing these also feels like procrastinating to me so I'm really winning down here, really realizing that goal of turning this into a career. Brittany Felton, writer-blogger-pinner-crafter-actress-producer-professional procrastinator-hip to the hyphenate career-life overhauling- meditation enthusiast.
Write soon, bye!
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